Week 33 – The Moment of Now
A week ago, I woke up with an intense pain in my right shoulder. The pain didn’t go away and it gets worse the second day after applying several kinds of muscle pain relief creams. On the same day, rashes started to pop up on my right shoulder, also I started to have a very painful nerve feeling which runs up the top of my neck and inside my right ear in every 10 to 20 seconds. I can tell you that those nerve pains are really hard to bear. Not only constant burning feeling on the skin, but also, I would describe it as like stabbing or lightning like pain sensation under the skin and behind the ear.
The nerve pain remained for the other two days. I, finally, decided to see doctors. I went to see a physical therapist and a dermatologist at the same day. The dermatologist was the right doctor to see. The doctor didn’t need me to finish what I need to say and right away he knew what my problem was. Virus infected my nerve, and the cause was due to stress level increased dramatically. They infected all of my right shoulder, neck and the ear.
I kept seeing the doctor in every two to four days. After taking the medicine, the pain was less intense, but the ugly “redness” kept coming out of my right shoulder and neck. I felt angry, sad and scared, cause it looked like they won’t stop coming out of my skin.
It must be my own attitude towards the high volume of works at work that is killing me. I burst into tears after coming home. I kept thinking about what had happened to me it is not acceptable. I wanted the “redness” to go away as fast as possible, and I wanted the nerve pain stop bothering me. I became so emotional. I cried most of the time when I think about that. I worried about it may not go away, and the worst, it may infect my inner ear and I will go deaf. I felt much painful (inside) when I think in that way, but I just couldn’t stop thinking the worst and my mind just couldn’t be quiet.
Then, I found a way to rest my mind. I sat on my bed meditating. During meditation, we have to keep our mind constantly focus on our breath, leave all the worries behind and just sense the moment of now. I did that several hours a day at home, and the result was awesome. I stop worrying about the things that may not going to occur in the future and stop asking myself why this is happening to me. All what I am thinking is that I still have a life. I still can walk, can talk, can listen and can enjoy life. So, why to worry. The tide of my emotion has comes down. The nerve pain stop and those ugly “redness” starts to fade away in the other day. I just realize how powerful the damage it would be if I keep thinking negatively. The constant worrying is harmful. Being too emotional would only make things even worse. It slows down or even blocks the healing process.
The right thing to do is to stay focus at the moment of now (and of course, keep taking anti-virus medicine and creams according to the prescription of the doctor). In the moment of now, I find that everything is just an illusion. The burdens of the past and the worries about the future dissolve instantly. Now, I don’t care about anything anymore, I’ve just learned to stay with the quietness of the moment of now.
P.S.: I’m feeling better, and the doctor says it takes no longer than 2 to 3 weeks to recover the skin.
Have a nice weekend!